Alex Sijm - Lying down is not an option
Title: Lying down is not an option
Author: Alex Sijm
Publisher: Bertram + de Leeuw Uitgevers
ISBN: 978-94-6156-325-5
The cover already states “Resilience and vitality in life,” and this resilience is truly put to the test.
This realistic book, through clear language, paints a clear picture "Tears stream down my cheeks. I had already noticed the changes in my legs and body for some time" (p.11).
A biography in which vulnerability, fighting spirit, but also loneliness are touched upon, a book that grabs you, stimulates you, and motivates you.
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Alex Sijm heefIt is not easy at school; he is “different” and is looking for connection. He finds this within the circus, which becomes his dream, his goal, and one could say his life's necessity.
"From that day, I was captivated by the magic of the circus. There you were simply allowed to be different! An ideal world for a boy like me, who had early on discovered that he walked and learned differently than all his classmates" (p.17).
At twelve, Alex joins a circus, which changes his entire life and purpose. Filled with love for the craft, he leaves the backyard circus game completely behind, focusing on the real circus and desperately wanting to be part of it.
He succeeds as soon as he obtains his diploma and at 19 years old is accepted at Circus Aladdin. "At this circus, I mainly learned how not to do it" (p.19).
After a while, the urge grows and Alex Sijm sets up his own circus; coupled with financial setbacks, he fights to realize his dream. Alex has his own approach, perspective, and motivation, which resonates and his circus even earns the Culture Award of North Holland and The Opsteker of the city of Utrecht. After these great successes, his body gives a red light, his body hits the brakes and Alex has to take it easier. In 2020, he sells the commercial branch of his company to safeguard his health; during this time, he also starts a relationship with his partner.
After 20 years of realizing his dream, the medical complaints become more pronounced; at Radboud UMC they suspect PLS, which causes muscle weakness in the legs, or HSP, loss of strength in legs, arms, and mouth.
In 2008, HSP is diagnosed, this setback hits Alex hard but he does not let it get him down. Through humor, friends, and loved ones around him, he fights for his freedom of movement. He cannot talk to his partner about his insecurities, difficulties, and emotions, as they are too different.
Alex struggles with accepting the effects of his illness, demands too much from himself and often confronts himself "I can barely move my legs; I feel pain everywhere" (p.52).
After his diagnosis and therapy, Alex studies haptonomy to gain more understanding of his body, mind, his motivation to cope with his illness, and to live without judgment. With these insights, he also suggests a link between accepting his homosexuality as being "different" from others and the fear surrounding it.
He is committed to "unlimited entrepreneurship," a project that supports disabled people in starting their own business and continues to motivate others. With his own perseverance and his disability, he has reached many hearts and motivated many individuals.
Through all the positivity, resilience, and difficult moments, Alex misses the real connection with his partner. He feels alone and that they are losing the tightrope act. When will they fall off the rope? All this together causes Alex to go through a difficult period; he would like to lash out, scream, and be angry, but he holds back. Alex struggles with the fact that he is becoming less and less mobile and with remarks from his environment about this.
"I have to restrain myself from taking the fresh baguettes out of my bag and hitting him hard on the head. Or from raising my voice loudly" (p. 94).
After his relationship ends, Alex reaches a point where he can ask for and accept help. This way, he can do what he wants. By leaving all the side matters to others, he can motivate and inspire people from the stage.
In search of confidence, Alex downloads a gay dating app where he is honest about his HSP, which comes with blunt rejections. Will he manage to regain his confidence?
Through medication and injections, Alex cautiously gets his life back bit by bit; he enjoys every moment even though it is a temporary solution.
"I tell him that I am glad the injections work even if only temporarily; it gives me the chance to keep going and look ahead" (p. 125).
Alex reaches the point where he longs for more freedom of movement. His mind begins to fill with the use of a wheelchair, a forbidden fruit he secretly takes a bite from, to see if it can offer him what he needs.
After making a decision, Alex's life shifts into a new gear again; he has inexhaustible perseverance, drive, and contagious motivation.
He puts all this on paper and together with his publisher, his story comes to life and will touch many hearts.
"It stands for connection, pride, respect, faith, hope, care, diversity, love, appreciation, inclusion, and acquittal" (p. 149).
Staying in bed is not an option, a book that touches you, motivates, stimulates, and makes you think. It takes you back to your own obstacles, opens your eyes to other perspectives.
Rating: 9/10